How Well Do You Bargain In Your Relationships?
Imagine sitting across from someone. You both have what the other wants, but the scales are imbalanced. What you hold is worth 1,000 pieces in gold (or whatever measurement you want to imagine) and what they hold is worth a paltry 200 pieces in gold.
Now, since you don’t realize how important and worthy what you hold is, you become increasingly desperate to trade.
And so the other person pushes their 200 pieces of gold and you greedily grab it. That person won’t stop you. It is the nature of humans to take what and where they can and manipulate a situation according to their personal wants. It is also the nature of humans to not take it upon themselves to tell or show you how worthy you are. It’s not anyone else’s job but your own.
It is the same in relationships.
Always go into a relationship with enough bargaining power. Do not be afraid to set standards and demonstrate how worthy you are.
If what your partner is investing (and here I am NOT referring to monetary investment) in you isn’t enough, tell them. If their behavior or words hurt you, tell them. If you feel you’re putting in more than you’re getting, take a step back and give them a chance to pull their weight. If nothing changes, withdraw, divert or reduce your own investment in that relationship.
Take all these measures pro-actively from the very beginning, and not re-actively when your relationship starts developing cracks.
Also important is to gather enough courage and self-discipline to practice tough love. Tough love as a concept doesn’t sit well with most women because they are naturally maternal, giving, and caring. So of course, they tend to carry these traits into most of their relationships. And so, a man’s unacceptable behaviour will be excused in an attempt to “not lose him” or be regarded as harsh.
Unfortunately, tolerating a man’s lack of investment is counter-productive. Rather than seeing you as an understanding and loving woman who he wants to fall deeper in love with; he’ll most likely recoil internally and then proceed to continue treating you poorly and bringing as little as he can get away with to your table. Your low self-esteem will literally invite mistreatment. Treat you like a doormat he will; in the process losing all respect for you.
In the end you would have given your 1,000 gold coins away and accepted the 200 coins from him. 200 coins of nothing but disappointment, pain,disrespect and a wishful, misguided hope that “He will change.”
Why not go back to your table, admire your self-worth, image, achievements, capabilities, and potential? Build them up in your mind. Do this as you “bargain” with any potential or existing partner. Over time, you’ll grow uncomfortable with trading so much for so little and your expectations and values will cease to be constantly up for negotiation.
